Theodoras Baby Penny Culliford
‘I’m not sure I’m cut out for parenthood. It’s not in my plan. All right, I haven’t in truth got a plan, but if I had one, this wouldn’t be in it. I don’t even like babies—nasty, small, noisy, smelly things that take over your life. But this is a dissimilar baby. This is not just a baby; this is our baby …’ Newlywed Theodora discovers a slight oversight she and Kevin made on their honeymoon. Now she’s gained an necessary new subject for her famous diary—but at such a cost! ‘Tom opened the oven door and got out the most enormous chocolate pudding and placed it on the table in front of me. ‘Especially for you, dear sister,’ said Ariadne. I swallowed hard a few times then took off for the bathroom. Ariadne looked at Tom and said, ‘I told you so.” What? Theodora sick (literally) of chocolate? How will she survive without her favored feed group? Answer: with typical irrepressible humour that finds much to laugh at when it comes to marital bliss, faith, friendships, and the foibles of pregnancy. But will she be reunited with her lost love? Never fear—Theodora and chocolate can’t be disunited forever.
About the AuthorPenny Culliford attends her local Anglican church, which bears no resemblance to Saint Norbert’s. The author of Theodora’s Wedding and Theodora’s Diary, she likes chocolate, TV sitcoms, and unexpected acts of kindness. She disapprovals celery, stick insects, and humans who take themselves too seriously. She lives in Kent, England, with her husband and children.
Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.Theodora’s Baby Copyright 2006 by Penny Culliford Requests for selective information will have to be addressed to: Zondervan, Grand Rapids, Michigan 49530 Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Culliford, Penny. Theodora’s baby : faith, joy and chocolate / Penny Culliford. p. cm. ISBN-13: 978-0-310-26558-0 ISBN-10: 0-310-26558-4 1. Pregnant women — Fiction. 2. Married women — Fiction. 3. Motherhood — Fiction. 4. England — Fiction. I. Title. PR6103.U46T467 2005 823′.92 — dc22 2005020439 Penny Culliford asserts the moral right to be considered the author of this work. All Scripture quotations, unless other than as supposed or expected indicated, are taken from the Holy Bible: New International Version. NIV. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved. The internetlocation addresses commended allround this book are offered as a resource to you. These websites are not intended in any way to be or infer an endorsement on the portion of Zondervan, nor do we vouch for their content for the life of this book. All rights reserved. No percentage of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means — electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or any other — except for brief quotations in printed reviews, without the prior permission of the publisher. Interior design by Michelle Espinoza Printed in the United States of America July Sunday 2 July 11:45 p.m. Shhh! I’m writing this actually quietly by torchlight so that Kevin doesn’t know I’m doing it. It feels a bit dishonest, but after two years of jotting down my thoughts in a diary, I feel as if I can’t think decently without it. He’s not at all happy in regards to me keeping the diary. I’m not genuinely banned from writing in it; he just makes little whimpering noises and looks pathetic when he sees me scribbling away. He even tore out the pages describing our Greek honeymoon on the grounds that if Diana’s grandma found them, she’d have a heart attack. I tried to explain that (a) Yaya doesn’t read English and (b) if she could read it, it would in all likelihood brighten her day considerably. Kevin would have none of it, though. ‘I just don’t like it. It’s like you’re keeping things from me, Theo,’ he whined. ‘They’re nothing, just thoughts.’ ‘If they’re just thoughts, why don’t they stay in your head? Mine do.’ ‘I don’t know. It’s as if I may sort things out better if I see them written on the page.’ ‘You could talk to me.’ He pouted. I couldn’t deny it, he had a point. And I did talk to him; of course I did. ‘It’s just that . . .’ I hesitated, attempting to think of a reason. ‘Most of it’s boring stuff like . . . what colour nail polish ought to I wear today, or do I need to order an extra pint of milk? What was the name of the guy with the spiky hair in the Bay City Rollers? Stuff like that.’ ‘Then why don’t you like me reading it?’ ‘Because you laugh at me.’ Now it was my turn to pout. He went to the table and picked up the diary. He kept it closed as if the pages were fastened with an invisible padlock. ‘Sometimes it’s like you’re . . . shutting me out. Theo, please don’t write in the diary any more.’ I took the diary from him and put it in a drawer. ‘I’ll think with regards to it.’ He looked at me for a long time as if he was weighing me up. I thought he was going to say something else, but he didn’t. I love him, and I don’t want to keep things from him; on the other hand, he doesn’t have a right to recognise all my thoughts, everything that is going on in my head. Does he? Monday 3 July Didn’t sleep well last night. Dreamed that God was reading my diary. God didn’t say anything, but I watched his expression, which passed from puzzled, to amused, to irritated, to totally perplexed. If I asked Charity Hubble with regards to my dream, she’d pray for my deliverance; if I told my sister, Ariadne, she’d blame it on the blue-cheese dressing I had on my salad last night. The sarcasm is, if I wasn’t so worried regarding whether to keep a diary or not, I wouldn’t have to keep a diary! What is a girl to do? One thing this girl ought to do is to go job-hunting. Despite Kevin’s pseudo-chivalrous offer to be the sole provider, I’ll go crazy with boredom and drive Kevin mad, moaning with regards to it. The occupation as church secretary occupies less than one day a week, and the only intellectual challenge is how to alter the photocopier’s toner cartridge without looking as if I’d just swept a chimney. I can’t deny it’s kind of Chrissie to keep the occupation for me, but I prefer her being my friend and my vicar to being my boss. I’ve never met any individual so disorganized. I encountered that she’d mixed up the burials register with the register of marriages. Poor Darren Clooney closely got booked in for a full service at the local crematorium, and goodness knows what would have happened if his fiancee, Janice, had turned up at the church and found the mortal remains of ninety-seven-year old Mr Gainsborough waiting for her in his wooden box. 11:30 a.m. Just flicked through the little ads in the local paper. Unless I have a burning ambition to be a barmaid or an offi ce cleaner, choices are limited. I have no burning ambition to be either. I got rather distracted by the ‘pets for sale’ and was very tempted to ‘provide a loving home’ for a pair of undesirable ginger kittens. I decisive versus it on the grounds that I preferent Kevin the budgie without a feline overcoat. Needless to say, the budgie’s name was my mother’s choice. She cared for ‘Kevin’ while we were on honeymoon. ‘But, Mum,’ I protested, ‘you can’t call it Kevin. Half the time I won’t know if I’m talking to my husband or the budgie.’ ‘If he turns out anything like your father, you’ll get more sense out of the bird.’ Tuesday 4 July Woke up early, made Kevin a cup of tea and brought him breakfast in bed. As we snuggled up, a picture of contentment, Kevin asked me if I was happy. ‘Of course,’ I replied. ‘You’re not worried with regards to anything?’ ‘No.’ ‘Are you sure?’ ‘Positive. Now would you mind telling me what this is all about?’ He opened my underwear drawer. I was starting to get worried. ‘If everything in your life is so hunky-dory, then why are you still writing in that blasted diary?’ He rummaged through the bras and pants and pulled out my diary. Discovered. What could I do now? I looked away and pretended to brush a lot of toast crumbs onto the fl oor. I’d managed to keep away from the diary for almost a fortnight after we got back from honeymoon, but I’m like an addict. I just can’t stop. The obligation is even worse than the worst kind of chocolate craving — and I will have to know. The only solution would be to agree to let him read it. I was just with regards to to make my magnanimous offer when I came upon a big blob of marmalade in my hair. By the time I’d scraped it off, the moment had passed. He gave me a peck on the cheek and a hug. ‘You smell of oranges. Do you recognise what you remind me of?’ I shook my head, expecting him to say, ‘An orange grove in springtime,’ or something evenly romantic. He grinned and gave me another squeeze. ‘You’re just like a big cuddly Paddington Bear.’
Theodoras Baby Penny Culliford Picture
Theodoras Baby Penny Culliford Photo
Theodoras Baby Penny Culliford Pic
Theodoras Baby Penny Culliford Pic
Most helpful client reviews
4 of 4 humans found the following review helpful.
 Expect high quality amusement and not one thing less
By Christian Book Previews
There’s a surprise bun in Theodora’s oven. Theodora’s Baby is the third book in the series by Penny Culliford, with Theodora’s Wedding and Theodora’s Diary being the earlier two. Theodora loves writing in her diary, but her husband Kevin isn’t so fond of being substituted by a book with blank pages. He doesn’t perceive why she can’t spell out her thoughts and worries to him. This doesn’t stop Theodora’s journaling, though. Whether she’s faking a bowel problem or merely lying through her teeth, she just keeps writing and readers won’t want to stop reading.
2 of 2 humans found the following review helpful.
Wonderful!
By Elizabeth
I’ve read the two former books in the Theodora series and was eagerly anticipating the release of the third. Theodora’s Baby was everything I was hoping for and more. Kevin, Theodora’s family, and the persons from St. Norberts were all back and as quirky as ever. I was also enjoyably astonished to see how much Theodora had grown; I’d always enjoyed reading her amusive diary entries, but was glad to see that in this book she seemed to be maturing somewhat, both spiritually and personally. A fantastic book that I would commend to anyone.
1 of 1 humans found the following review helpful.
Swap chocolate for a baby
By Deborah
Theo and Kevin have just gotten married and now are expecting a baby! Being pregnant isn’t all fun and games for the couple. It means Theo can’t stand the sight of chocolate! The couple are going through their firstborn days of marriage and already they are having issues. From Kevin not wanting Theo to write in her diary to Theo leaving for a few days because Kevin wouldn’t fix the bathroom, the newlyweds sound like their having lots of fun in their new life. With Theo’s pregnancy comes cravings for weird food, having to wear Charity-like maternity costume (gasp!), attempting to find a occupation that will take her in her “condition” and her sister-in-law getting pregnant at the same time. Plus Declan keeps showing up. Thank goodness Kevin lets Theo have her diary back. She’d be lost without it.
Theodora is one of my favored characters as of lately. I love everything that she goes through and how she handles situations. I thought it was beauteous arrogant of Kevin to refuse Theo to write in her diary. His reason is that he wants her to talk to him rather of writing. Really though, guys stop listening after a while. If Theo had genuinely stopped her diary and talked to him all the time, I guarantee Kevin would have gotten fed up and been like “why don’t you talk to you friends when it comes to this stuff?” I mean Theo gets frustrated with him and football but she never asks him to quit it completely. Arrgh, men. I do like how Theo and Jeremiah in the end sort of get along. Although I actually didn’t like his earlier viewpoint on her exceptionally when he think they’ve gotten married after she got pregnant. I hate people who jump to conclusions and peculiarly Christians who think they are better than every one else. I’m glad she took a stand though and I’m glad they were competent to make up. There’s not much Charity in this book but her and Theo have settled down and are more friendlier with each other. It’s likewise interesting to read how Charity’s oldest son has started to rebel versus their conservative lifestyle.
I hope this isn’t the last we’ll listen from Theodora and her diary. I want more!
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